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  • Writer's pictureJohn Dyck

Strategic Parenting

The kids wanted a bedtime story, they always want a bedtime story. It's become one of those things they use against me knowing I often can't say no. 


My youngest son Jaxon picked a story about a girl saving up her allowance to buy a doll she saw in a store window. It's an old book, tattered and dated, and I don't even know where it came from but he picked it so I read it. 


Anyway, the girl saves up enough of her allowance to go and buy this doll so her and her mom walk downtown to go and get it when the little girl notices a man sitting on a bench with dirty clothes, an overgrown beard, worn skin and sad eyes. The girl looks at him for a while and decides that the doll can wait, this man needs some money, so she gives him the money instead of buying her doll. As I'm reading the description of the homeless man one of my foster kids, a nine year old boy, pinches his nose and loudly exclaims "ewwwww, stinky!" And without even thinking about it, I sent him off to bed. 


His reaction obviously rubbed me the wrong way, not surprised by it because he does things like this all the time but irritated because here was a story about doing something good. It wasn't just another story about green eggs and ham or how captain underpants saved the day from a giant walking toilet, this story had meaning to it and was teaching a good moral lesson and all he could think to do was make fun of the smelly fictional homeless man. 


Moments like that worry me, if this is how he acts right in front of me, how is he going to behave when I'm not there to catch him and immediately discipline him? In other words, what kind of integrity, if any, is he going to have and how am I supposed to teach it to him? 


I did go and talk with him after I finished the story and he seemed receptive but I've already been down this road before and I have a feeling that the next time the opportunity presents itself he's going to do the same thing. Teaching is more than talking is what I'm realizing and if you're like me, you're wondering how in the world am I going to raise good kids? 


The intro to a Bible reading plan on fatherhood said that being a dad is basically one big game of follow the leader, you follow Jesus and your kids will follow you. That may be true but it's a motto that undermines the sheer magnitude of what it means to be a Christian Dad. 


This game of follow the leader will leave you with no breaks, it is unrelenting and the mistakes you make are almost always immediately noticed and followed. As parents we all get it, we teach by example. Maybe that's why thinking about the future scares us so much, we know that we aren't all that good of an example. If our kids will learn from us, by golly what are they going to become? 


Thankfully, we know as Christians that we don't point to ourselves as the perfect example to live by, we point them straight to Jesus! Jesus lived the perfect life and died for our sins, Jesus rose from the dead and did what we could never do - He earned our salvation.


This parenting gig is hard, you know that. I also do not have to tell you that your kids see you as a hero, that's cool and all but one thing I've learned is that they love when daddy gets down on the floor and plays with them. They love when the larger than life figure they know as daddy humbles himself and apologizes for making a mistake. Humility is the key, I think. If you are humble enough to play with some silly MineCraft game for a while, if you're humble enough to have a half hour conversation about things you'll never understand, if you're humble enough to tell them that all you're trying to do is what you're trying to teach them to do, well I think you're half way there.

I love those Bible plans, but I do not see this fatherhood thing as follow the leader. I see it like the pic above where a father carries his son, or walks beside his son, or holds his hand through the hard times. At times it will be follow the leader, you are the leader after all, but a good leader does what Jesus did and humbles Himself.


These are my thoughts, please like, share or comment at your will.


Thanks for reading.

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