I'm Awkward and I Know it

I'm Awkward and I Know it! I've always been a little different, I was the kid who preferred playing by himself, my parents knew I was a loner way back then and I can't count how many times my being different bothered me. To this day I'm still the wierd one, I'm still the guy who comes off a little strange but today, for the most part I'm okay with that. There are times when in social settings that I'm being wierd and the only difference between now and when I was a kid is, I'm aware of it. Take my small group for example, we meet on Thursday nights and I love going, nobody judges anyone and they're all super cool with my awkwardness. Like last night when everyone was sharing I also wanted to share and in my head it all sounded so good but when it comes out it sounds so...fast. it's like what I want to say and what I actually say gets sped up and played on fast forward. Then after it's over I end up feeling wierd because I wonder if everyone got what I wanted to say. Like I said, they're super cool and they accept me the way I am. When I'm writing however, my words come out exactly the way I thought them, I often wish I could write for a living because I love it so much. But alas I work in retail where I'm forced to speak to people on a daily basis and somehow I get through.

I'm awkward, and I know it. God made me the way I am and gifted me the way He did. The funny thing is, my oldest son is a lot like I was at his age. He's awkward around new people, he has a hard time getting out what he wants to say and his facial expressions show quite clearly when he feels out of place. I know what it feels like to be on the outside and to feel like you're not enough for those around you and so for that reason I actively try to coach my son through those times, and I have a plan for him, My plan for him is a lot like the plan my parents had for me at that age (I don't know if they ever put it into words like I'm about to, but they're approach was very good). LOVE HIM WHERE HE'S AT. I am going to (and maybe you can take some of this advice as well) love him where he is, much like Jesus loves us where we are. When he's off playing by himself I'll let him do it without judgment or me pushing him to be with the other kids, making him feel like he's not enough by himself, that he needs to be around other kids is only going to make him feel even worse. Chances are if he's like me as much as I think he is, he knows that he doesn't fit in that well and pushing him is only going to make him feel awkward and then be awkward, and we all know what kids do when they see a weakness in another kid, they make fun. Why would I want to put him into that scenario? EMBRACE HIM FOR WHO HE IS. When Jesus called me to follow Him, He embraced me right where I was, sin and all. I felt loved and I knew how valuable I was to Him after I fully understood what happened at the cross. For that reason I will help my son embrace his awkwardness. There's nothing wrong with being different than the other kids, if anything his social shyness only amplifies his strengths. He is independent and probably won't fall into the "everyone else is doing it" way of thinking. He is strong willed and determined and can accomplish many things on his own without help. So to help him embrace who he is I'll let him know that I was a lot like him and since I never had anyone to rely on, I became a hard working, self sufficient man with no debt outside of a mortgage and am now living a life through Jesus Christ that I never knew was possible before. LOVE HIM TOO MUCH TO LEAVE HIM BE. This one might sound like it contradicts the last one but understand that embracing someone for who they are and wanting them to grow are not mutually exclusive. You can leave someone's character intact whilst encouraging growth. It's like what Jesus does for us. All of the experiences we went through before we met Him helped shape who we are after He saves us. He loves us for who we are and yet loves us too much to leave us the same. That's why I won't let my son stay the same, I will encourage him to grow and hopefully ultimately he too will accept Jesus into his life who will transform him and turn him into a godly person. I mentioned that I didn't have friends to rely on at his age, this is where he and I are already a little different, he does! Not a lot of them, he's not Mr popularity or anything and that's okay, that wouldn't suit him, he's a small group kinda guy like me. But he does have a few close friends that he leans on for support, something I did not really have and I've seen him lean on them when he needs to, and that too is a great thing, he's learning to open up and be himself and his buddies accept him, and I love that! NEVER GIVE UP ON HIM. Like the father in the Prodigal Son parable, I will always be waiting for my son, I will always be looking in the direction that he went and I will always be praying for him. I will never give up on him no matter how hard it gets. Saying you'll never give up and actually never giving up are two very different things. In fact there are many nights after coming home from work that I'm ready to give up! Kids are fighting, house is a mess, the wife is ready to run as far away as possible from the non stop fighting, yelling and screaming and the mess each kid leaves in his wake! I can't blame her, I'm home for an hour and I'm ready for bedtime, she's got them all day! Even with all of that, we obviously never give up, in fact if we did life at home would probably be much easier because we wouldn't care so much about what they're doing. But since we love our little sinners we continue to teach them right from wrong even if it comes across as nagging, or Charlie Brown's teacher "WAH WAH WA WAHA WAH'. Jesus never gave up on any of us and chances are if you're reading this Christian blog you know all too well what He had to forgive in order to continue pursuing you. He can handle it. God the Father wants us to follow His example of fatherhood and though I will never achieve His perfection I know I can lean on Him when I fall short. And that is a strategy I want my boys to use as well. Thanks for reading.